The ones that got away

When I think back on my "love life" what stands out the most, beside the very obvious heartbreaks, are the ones who got away. These were the men who, in retrospect, could have been "the one" if only one of us would have given just an inch or two more to the relationship. I can tell you truthfully that it has always been the retrospective loves that I miss the most. These men were inevitably "just my friends" and I guess I was waiting for the grand gesture, the gesture that I never got from my boyfriends, the gesture I am still waiting for. Perhaps those men were waiting for a grand gesture from me, although I am historically vulnerable/submissive/a doormat in my relationships. Contrary to popular belief, I don't want to wear the pants.
This retrospective love life of mine seems to be the pattern from which I cut all of my male relationships. I crave attention that I know I can't have. Freud would say that I never got attention from my father. He would be right, but to be fair, I am an glutton for male attention. Ask any of my female friends (the few I have) and they will tell you I am the worst when it comes to men. The real question, the one I am trying to discover along with its answer, is what do I do about it?
I guess my first instinct, one that has been overwhelming me since I broke up with Crush, is to find one of these restrospective loves and make happen what never did not initially. I tried it with Marc, it didn't work. I've even considered contacting some of the guys who I was "just friends" with and trying to spark an interest. The bottom line is that desperation is an ugly, ugly thing and right now it has a hold of me. Another underscore (I guess, the final bottom line) is that the Navy is not relationship conducive. All the retrospective loves, potential rekindles, etc. do not live anywhere near me. Some are in the Pacific NorthWest, some are in Japan, some are in... I don't know. I just need to resign myself to the fact that I am terrible at relationships, I will never have a meaningful, fulfilling relationship with a man that is truly good and who brings out the best in me, and I should just stop trying. I've already started going to pet stores in search of the first of what's sure to be MANY cats, and when the time is right I know that the Goodwill will have the the perfect cardigan waiting for me to purchase.