you're only cool if you use hair powder

alright, at first i thousht it would make me look like i had on a powdered wig, bit when ash made me try bumble&bumble's hair powder
, i found out that all it d0es is prolong your style.
so, i purchased klorane shampooing se extra-doux `a l'textrait d'avoine, (sorry ash, couldn't find b&b)today. my hair is freshly washed, i'll let you know how it works...

yesterday i got a text message that said: "hello complete stranger, would you like to be my new text pinpal?"

yes, pinpal. what is a pinpal? did he mean penpal? and don't you hate it when you google something and you misspell it and then you get this
Did you mean: cantankerous
no question mark or anything. it's very condescending.

it's always when i'm watching tv

whenever i sit down to post, i am hit with a major case of writer's block- i feel like i have millions of ideas to bitch about, but i don't. whenever i'm watching tv, all buzzed, i get these fabulous themes, but then they're gone by the time i get to a computer. maybe it's the lack of braincells.
have you heard of aperts? i saw a documentary on the discovery channel:
Apert Syndromeis a genetic defect and falls under the broad classification of craniofacial/limb anomalies. It can be inherited from a parent who has Apert, or may be a fresh mutation. It occurs in approximately 1 per 160,000 to 200,000 live births. Apert syndrome is primarily characterized by specific malformations of the skull, midface, hands, and feet. The skull is prematurely fused and unable to grow normally; the midface (that area of the face from the middle of the eye socket to the upper jaw) appears retruded or sunken; and the fingers and toes are fused together in varying degrees. Apert syndrome is named for the French physician who first described it, E. Apert, in 1906.
to me, this disease is too sad because the kids aren't retarded, they just hae mutated bodies, so it must be so sad for them to feel like other kids, but not be able to participate in being a normal kid and then a normal adult.

why do people think that they can fuck with me? don't they know i'm loco?
my roomate and i finally butted heads this morning when she started telling me what i "have to do". essentailly, i don't let anyone who doesn't sign my evals tell me what i "have to do", no matter who they are. she was trying to walk out on our lease that doesn't end until august and not find a roommate to replace her. i said notuhn! oh no you di'n't! then she started telling me that i was defensive again- someone, please tell the poor girl what defensive means- and that's when i lost it. but i idn't take it to the chaix level (have i ever blogged about chaix?)i was calm. end result: she bought me out of the lease for one month. if i find a roommate before the end of the month then she gets the prorated rent. i think that i was very resonable to let her off with that.
if anyone knows of someone looking for a place to share in downtown SD, let me know.

your face is stupid
my roommate is suicidal, or at least i think she is because she wants me to kill her. she's doing everything under the sun to piss me off including packing all her shit in the common area and moving it all out of her bedroom into the common area. i even tried to dropher a hint that she was being rude and intrusive by saying "i'm going to take the tv into my room," then she asked if she was being loud and i sid yes- still, she continued. the real problem is that she just doesn't know me. she thinks i'm nice, and has told me that her and her friends think i'm defensive. what she doesn't know is that i'm offensive and abrasive and yes, i am being nice because if i wasn't, she'd be missing some teeth by now. i hope that her moving van tips over in transit and that all of her goods are ruined. i hope that a lot of other things that are bad happen to her that don't effect me. i hope she gets fired right after i find another roommate- ha! that's a good one.

to: matt
fm: tad girl
(if you're not matt,do not read)
have i ever told you how cool you are? really, you are on my top ten list of cool people- that's saying a lot because i don't really like people, but the peple i do like are very cool. i mean, just look at your blog, your picture alone is proof of that you are one hep cat.

your fat ass isn't welcome in texas!

so ashley and i are sitting in a bar saturday night when this dude comes up and introduces this other dude to us. "he's from texas", is how he introduced him, no name or anything. well, it's been my experience that all people from texas are assholes, and since it was my birthday, i didn't feel i had to endure any asshole-ish behavior, so i just said that i didn't like people from texas. (i'm a state-ist) . texas people just can't see past the nose on their face, and that means that they don't understand how anybody could not like texas (retards). my retort: what's so damn good about it? nothing. that's what. fuck texas and fuck him, i think that's approximately how the rest of the conversation went. eventually, the texans grew weary of my insults and left.

next thing we knew, one of the texans returned and started slurring about how my fat ass wouldn't be let into texas. i was confused. first i was confused because who made him the key-holder of texas, and second because i didn't realize that i had a fat ass (and even if i did, we were sitting down- in the dark- so how could he tell?) and third, he's not a good ambassador for texas. he just proved my point. texas people suck. then i told a passing bouncer he was bothering us and the bouncer kicked him out. ha, ha.

after the texas people left, our waitress pimped us out to some aussies who were sitting a few table down. aussies are the best because they like to drink and they like to fight, just like me. we drank until they kicked us out and then we took rickshaws back to my apt. happy birthday me.

TKS to all who commented on the microwave issue. i still think that my roommate is a fucking freak for even thinking that to be true.
i was looking back at capitalization and i realized that it has almost been two years since the first post. i can't believe it. let's take a moment of silence to remember the good times, and don't forget to read the archives. consider this my "flashback post".

let me tell you about my roommate
she is a graduate of texas a&m university and is very proud of it. she graduated about 4 or 5 years ago, but this seems to still be how she identifies with the world. the first question she asks people is where they went to college, and i'm sure it's so she can in turn tell them she went to a&m. get over it, let's talk about your life now.
anyway, last night she asked me to press clear on the microwave from now on if i took the food out before it was finished (before it beeped). i was puzzled, so i asked her why, and here is what she answered:
the microwave still radiates until it beeps. if you pull food out before that time, it still thinks that it is cooking something so it keeps radiating so that the food won't get cold.

now, i don't have a college degree, but common sense tells me that a microwave is not going to cook anything unless i press "start". microwaves are not intelligent computers, they can't do what i don't tell them to do.
please, am i crazy, or is she?

if you have a sore throat, it could be herpes

ha, ha, herpes! that type of humor reminds me of my great friend ashley, aka, smashley because she could do more drugs/drink more alcohol than anybody. i talked to ashley last night and guess what! she's coming to sd for my birthday!!! yay!! i haven't seen ash since i lived in italia. she and her boyfriend ashley (yes, a boy named ashley. i laughed too, but you're a grownup, stop it) came to visit me during their voyage on the great continent of europe.
ash and i always have the most fun together. during our chat last night she reminded me of the time in oregon when we had a sprinkler on the roof of my apartment. it was genius actaully, we bought a hose and a special adapter that took forever to find that would connect the hose to my bathtub spout. then it was easy to take the hose out the window and put it on the roof. the roof was covered in plastic instead of shingles, so the whole thing was, essentially, a slip-n-slide. sounds great, right? well, my landlord didn't think so. he called and asked if i had a sprinkler on the roof and i lied and said no, which is dumb because anyone with eyes could see that the was a srinkler on the roof. killjoy.
ya, but that's ash. my partner in crime. i can't wait to see what trouble we'll get into this time!!