your fat ass isn't welcome in texas!

so ashley and i are sitting in a bar saturday night when this dude comes up and introduces this other dude to us. "he's from texas", is how he introduced him, no name or anything. well, it's been my experience that all people from texas are assholes, and since it was my birthday, i didn't feel i had to endure any asshole-ish behavior, so i just said that i didn't like people from texas. (i'm a state-ist) . texas people just can't see past the nose on their face, and that means that they don't understand how anybody could not like texas (retards). my retort: what's so damn good about it? nothing. that's what. fuck texas and fuck him, i think that's approximately how the rest of the conversation went. eventually, the texans grew weary of my insults and left.

next thing we knew, one of the texans returned and started slurring about how my fat ass wouldn't be let into texas. i was confused. first i was confused because who made him the key-holder of texas, and second because i didn't realize that i had a fat ass (and even if i did, we were sitting down- in the dark- so how could he tell?) and third, he's not a good ambassador for texas. he just proved my point. texas people suck. then i told a passing bouncer he was bothering us and the bouncer kicked him out. ha, ha.

after the texas people left, our waitress pimped us out to some aussies who were sitting a few table down. aussies are the best because they like to drink and they like to fight, just like me. we drank until they kicked us out and then we took rickshaws back to my apt. happy birthday me.