drama and the dream life
my feet dangled over the acid filled hot tub. he lowered me in quickly, up to my knees. the pain was so extreme that my mouth filled with saliva, vomit jumped out of my throat. i was struggling so bad in the acid that my feet fell off and i was left with only exposed shin bones when i was finally pulled out. i lay on the side of the acid pool and the cats came to knaw at the exposed bone.

it's official
my name is trish, and i'm an alcoholic. i'm admitting myself for treatment..........................................................................................

the bottle
my homicidal tendencies have subsided. i no longer feel the need to tear flesh away from bone with my teeth. i have found new solice in alcohol. you be the judge of which is worse.

the dream?
we were sitting, two by two, on brightly colored cushions in some sort of a hippie, "let's talk about that emotion" workshop. i wasn't listening to the speaker, instead i was tring to figure out why i was in this looney bin and how long i had been there. i was slowly waking from the fog that i was in.
That's when i felt the girl behind me, the little asian girl with the bowl- cut hair, pushing on my back with her feet. the pain was terrible and she seemed to enjoy inflicting it on me. i turned around in the middle of the hippie speach and grabbed a fistfull of her shiney, blach hair and held her head as i punched her face- my knuckles cut on her teeth.
suddenly, i was being pulled away from the little asian girl who's smooth porcelain face was now smeared with red- kabuki makeup amuk- and i was satisfied.

oh, the trauma
about halfway through my second bottle, i declared to myself that champagne was, from that point on, my drink of choice.
i had started drinking shortly after i got out of bed, which sounds bad, but in reality it was three in the afternoon, so it was really quite reasonable. i wanted to drink because i was bored, and i couldn't think of anything else that would be as fun and which would require such little effort. so i got the bottles with big, fat corks that are impossible to put in once removed, which makes it necessary to finish the whole bottle before it goes flat so that no money is wasted, and it was about halfway through my second bottle that don called and said he was picking me up in five minutes.
i downed the rest of the bottle and waited.
the water felt good on my skin. my senses were hightened. the grittiness of the cement on my bare behind, the tiny air bubbles tickling my body as they escaped to the surface of the hot tub. my soul was peaceful. meanwhile, my body was waring.
i don't know why i was so angry at the girl, or why i attempted to kill her. i only knew that if i kicked and bit and wriggled hard enough, the people holding me back from killing her would give up and i could accomplish my goal. if i could just get one hand on her, i knew she wouldn't walk away without a chunk of flesh missing. my small body felt enormous with power. i wanted to kick her feet out from under her so that she fell sideways, dumb, and then i would grab her hair and pull her head up, then puch her back dwn by the forhead. after that became tedious, i would either stand up and start stomping on her skull with my bare feet, water still dripping off my body, or wrap my hands around her neck and squeeze. oooh- or maybe i would stand up and stomp on her neck. i can imagine the feeling of her adams apple crunching under the arch of my foot- i can taste the iron in the blood that would gush onto her tastebuds.
by then i would be spent. i would stand there panting while everyone looked on in horror. a siren would wail in the distance, the camera would fade to black.
i guess i didn't really want to kill her, or i didn't want to suffer the consequences of it at least.

it is my experience

it has been my experience that weirdo's hum. they hum when they are uncomfortable or nervous. this is very irritating to me for a reaason i'm sort of ashamed to admit: it's like they are retarded or they are reverting back to childhood. sometimes i feel people like that should be gathered up and exiled to leper island.
don't get me wrong, humming is alright when your humming along to the radio, rocking a baby to sleep, but any other instance, particularly ones that coincide with a far away stare a slight rocking back and forth, should not be tolerated.