there 'aint no future in your frontin'
i know a secret: hanford, ca is a witness protection town. there are far too many houses for the amount of businesses that are present. the people (those not in the military) all have this terrified look on their faces, they're afraid someone might recognize them. How terrible to spent the rest of your life in fear, never knowing if a knock on your door will bring the smiling face of your neighbor, or a double barrel shotgun. i could never do it. why do people front? my guess is this:
people front because they are cowards. they fear persecution and would rather spend their lives in captivity than stand up for their beliefs or take reponsibility for their actions. such people make me want to vomit. seriously, i can't stand them. i know that i should pity them, or try to empathize with them, but i really just want to shake them and tell them that they are stupid, in hopes that they will realiz the error of their ways and change. this has always been a fault of mine, this need to tell people their faults, but lately i've been making a conscious effort to improve.

... and i ask myself...
the first thing i've been wondering lately is: what the hell is a tivo. until about two seconds ago i thought it was some ebonics slang for television, and now that i'm informed, i can say that i still guess it is. through't my extensive research on the "official tivo site", i've learned that tivo is just a trendy new thing that lets one record tv so that they can ff, rwd, stp, pause (what is the abbreviation for that?) etc. whatever. i don't want one. i just got cable for crissake!
the second tickle in my brain stems from a commercial i saw while watching the two hour joe millionaire special. it was an advertisement for some hormone replacement for menapausal women, and their selling point was that it was ultra low in estrogen. apparently estrogen is the enemy when you stop dropping eggs. i wondered: why is estrogen bad then, and not when they are still bleedin? i guess it's one of gods' mysteries- or else one that can be solved by someone familiar witht he ins and outs of the female reproductive system and the effects estrogen has on it. i'll never know.
a third puzzler, and by far the last is why the hell didn't i know about emode before? it all started with a pop up advertising an iq test. i took it and was hooked. i love tests that result in self awareness. turns out that my best quality is that i'm independent because people who are independent tend to be more intelligent, determined and have a greater sense of integrity than most. another stunning report said that my destiny was to be a facilitator, or one who makes progress easier. i like that!! seriously though, his sight has like hundreds of free tests that give you pieces of insight to "the you you never knew" and then you have the option to pay money to go more indepth. it's genious. let me know what your destiny is.

three cheers for me
turning down crush for a roll in the hay may have made him mad, but i have to admit, it was empowering. i haven't spoken to the guy in weeks and he really expected to come over last night, do the deed and dash, but i stood my ground and he went home with a hard-on. there is the tiny voice in my head that's saying he will not stand for such behavior, but if he wants a girls to spend a couple of hours with whenever he wants and doesn't want any other connection with her, then he's liable to have to start paying for such a girl. i am not "that girl". i am not "that girl". this is my mantra.

friday night
friday night, after a very stressful day at work, i decided to get a bottle of wine (i chose "gato negro", a cheepy my friends and i used to drink in college) and i rented "the way we were". for those of you who have not watched it, rent it immediately. now i know why so many women idolize babs streisand- we relate to her in this movie. i cried and cried and drank the whole bottle of wine and passed out. i didn't even hear my phone ring when crush called.
saturday men with sweatshirts and dirty boots came into my apartment to install cable. the rest of the weekend was spent watching the food network and watching program after program on vh1 and mtv about the hilton sisters, the olsen twins and lil' kim. i went to bed at eight thirty on sunday. crush called at exactly ten, we talked for one and a half minutes and i spent the next two hours trying to fall back asleep.
i got my tickets to go to chicago to see nikki for new years. that's the only thing i have on my social agenda- how sad is that?

another good idea
yesterday i signed up for an hour long, $20 massage performed by a student that has recently graduated a massage therapy course. my rationalization is that no massage is a bad massage, so i'll let you know how it goes (my appintment is on saturday).
in other news, on friday, i am attending a taping of the price is right.
i secretly hope that i won't get picked because i've never been any good at that show even from the comfort of my own home- imagine what an ass i will look like on national television. i'll let you know when the show airs.
speaking of television shows, it appears that it is now acceptable to say "bitch" on television. it's never bleeped anymore, and my colleague informs me that the word has made appearances on prime time shows such as "friends" , and even the christian-based "seventh heaven". what's next?
for those of you following my saga with crush:
we spent the night together on wednesday, and he went on vacation for two weeks. he said he would call me on sunday. nothing happening, so i called him monday morning at 6am and told him i was worried- i pictured a plane crash, or worse another girl!- he told me he didn't think i should worry about him. i hung up. later that day i called to tell him off, but softened my approach for fear that i would be the ranting girl who is not even his girlfriend and he was in tahoe! he didn't even tell me he was going there. he said he would call later this week. i didn't say anything. i want to spit at him.

ata, the new black?
i recently picked up a beau of mine at lax. he flew in on some airline called "ata". while waiting in the terminal for his flight to arrive, i noticed the abundance of hep people getting off the flight. they were all young and/or stylish, and all had that travel savvy sense about them. i overheard one of the dudes waiting for his bag at the carousel respond to his girlfriends inquiry as to the legitimacy of ata, and he proceeded to ramble about some plane crash they had in lithuania or someplace and that their flights were subsequently very cheap. i thought nothing of it until nikki recommended them as the airline i use when i fly to chicago for new years, and let me tell you, nikki is never wrong when it comes to travel advice, and this time is no exception. round trip tickets to chicago are $236 from san jose international. i'm impressed. yay ata!