civilization has not yet reached guam. i'm not going to say that the gaumanese (?) are a primitive people, but a people who have been beaten by mother nature, and have simply given up. when we were last in guam, i had the opportunity to drive around the entire island, and what i found was a bit shocking. the houses that people live in are like squallows. i assume that they once upon a time had nice houses, but the humidity, typhoons, and cockroaches took their toll and the people just said "fuck it". how tiring would it be to build a nice cozy home and then have it destroyed by a storm. a shack would be easier to maintain than a mansion, especially since i can't see what sort of industry guam has other than the tourist. i don't remember seeing factories with billows of smoke, or even a bussiness district. i'm sure they have the usual maintenance workers to keep the power on, the water safe to drink, and the television on 24/7, but i'm pretty sure that's it. they do have both a maxstudio, and a bcbg in the mall, so that's a plus, but other than those two perks, guam is as "deserted island" as giligans'. i'm not sure i would want to live here, but it is definitely cool to visit. i see it as the poor mans hawaii. i hear the diving is better in guam than it is in hawaii, and i take my dive class this weekend, so i'll be sure to fill you in once i'm a card carrying expert. 'till then.......

so, someone stole my belt. this seems to be no big deal to the average onlooker, but it is, apparently, a huge deal. it serves as a symbol of the grand rape that is my life right now. of course, there are no replacement belts to be found (aka no solutions to my fucked up life in sight), so it will be days before i can get on the right track. you know, when it rains, it pours. the sharks have smelled blood and are moving in for the kill. stay tuned for the thick of the plot.

so, it's official, six more months of this. i'm really not sure i can handle it. i psyched myself out to last this long, i'm not sure, if i can lie to myself very much longer. there is just absolutely no joy anywhere i go. can a person be expected to live like this, even if only for six months? i'm not sure. i think i may snap. i have grand visions of slamming someones head into the wall if they piss me off. of kicking them down the ladder wells when they are walking in front of me. i want everyone to shut the fuck up, or to, at least, think before they speak. i want people to take showers daily and i want the people who clean the head to really do their job for once. i'm tired of being dirty no matter how much i shower, and i'm tired of eating food that has been rejected from hardy's. i'm tired of working for people who think they know everything, and have no grasp on reality. i'm tired of working with people who are only in the navy because they were rejected from society. uuuggg. enough self pity for today.

welcome to 1984
i feel like i'm in 1984. i'm in 1984, and when i wake up from a nightmare, i'm still in 1984. i feel like i felt when i was six and i had an overdue library book (something about caterpillars). i was so afraid to tell my parents because i didn't want them to have to pay the late fee. i felt like my life was over. i felt like i would never recover from the oversight. i'm in 1984, and i'm afraid i'll never get out, there will be no happy ending for me, no end to the borg. this is 1984 folks, nobody escapes, and they are all watching. think happy thoughts!

what's really going on
i think what's really upsetting is the quality of people i've met since i've been in the navy. of course, there have been the exceptions, but for the most part, they have all been schizophrenic, pathological liars. this command has been the worst. everyone i've met, and again, there are exceptions (voorhieses), has been insane! oh yeah, they appear to be normal, but after about two months i realize they are so off. a lot takes place in two months, and i keep thinking i'm safe, but i'm not. these weirdos are everywhere. i think it must be part of the screening process to get into an air rate.
"are you a pathological liar?" the detailer would ask.
"no", the prospective airdale would reply, and that's how the detailer would know he was right for the job.
liars, manipulators, men who molest babies. i'm sure they're all here. they all masquerade as normal, everyday joes, but inside there lurks the saddest men and women i've ever seen. for crying out loud, who leaves one of their travel companions in a hotel room in tokyo city all night? what normal person would let that happen? these are all signs of the end times ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves. these crazies could be coming to a town near you- or worse, they may already be there.

travelling is fast becoming one of my favorite hobbies. i enjoy the thrill of conquering the language barrier and the exoticism of far away lands. japan has been disappointing to say the least, and i'm afraid it's all my fault. first there was the booking of a hotel forty miles away from the planned destination of tokyo in the new tokyo international airport town of narita. when i found out that my travel companions booked the hotel in narita, something told me to screw the whole thing- stay put on the ship and write off japan as a loss. being the headstrong idiot that i am, i chose, instead, to tuff it out- even though i secretly really, really resented the mistake. i did a lot of research on japan before coming here (taking a que from my darling tour guide of a friend, nikki), and i had a rough plan of action, that got thoroughly destroyed. it took us about four hours to get from yokosuka to narita, where we dropped our bags and headed for the first mac-a-don-o-rud-o's, and then to the barge inn, which was reminicent of a hobbit pub and, to my surprise, playing the theme song to twin peaks. after one beer, and much pleading with the guys, i left the barge inn, and headed back to the hotel were i spent the night trying not to throw up (the food here, is not agreeing with me at all- even the smells are making me very nauseas). the next day, we made the command decision to head to tokyo and get a hotel there. we arrived in tokyo station at approximately 1200, and we walked around trying to find an english map and a way to the rappongi district, which i heard was a big party area. we finally found a tourist service and they told us how to take the subway from ginza, where we were, to rappongi. our first goal was to find a hotel, our second, to find an eatery that was not asian (my queasy stomach!) we ended up staying at the rappongi prince hotel where the beds were not suitable for the two guys to share and i could tell they resented the fact that i wouldn't share with them. well, for crying out loud, they are both married and frankly, the thought of sleeping next to either of them was not appealing. anyway, we went to the hard rock cafe and had hamburgers and bloody mary's and then walked about ten miles (maybe a slight exaggeration) around rappongi. by the time we got to the hotel, we were beat. since it was only about six-ish, i figured we would nap and then get up around eight-ish and hit the town. i took a bath so all i would have to do is get dressed and put on my makeup to get ready and lay down to nap. the guys couldn't sleep, so they left, which was totally fine, i really wanted to rest. here's the kicker though- they came back to wake me up at nine-ish, and walked in and said " do you want to go out?", and me, having just been rudely dragged out of a deep sleep said no. anyone who knows me, knows it takes me a bit to wake up, and they didn't really wake me up, they just asked a question... so they left. and they didn't come back until six this morning stinking of alcohol and cigarettes, shirts on inside out (i can only imagine what disgusting things they were doing). i was up listening to npr, ( the sun rose at 0430), and i was all i could do to not suffocate them. i'm so enraged right now it is unreal. i want to leave without them, but i can't- liberty buddies are a neccessity, and i would get in trouble if anyone found me without one.
so that was japan for me: a waste of time and money and friendship. yay!

adrian responds to "a departing rebel"


I once went to the woods to live deliberately,

To live deep and suck out all the marrow of life,

And put to rest all that was not life,

And not where I came to die,

I discovered that I have not truly lived.

- H.D. Thoreau

Be careful trish, knowledge and self enlightenment will only imprison you while you are here. For now, just do what you have to do to survive.



adrian

my stay in maincomm has come to an end.

...... little did i know that while i was away, my demise was being plotted by the evil buccholz, a redneck, hailing from the desolate northern california. he sent a letter to all the heads of the automated information systems, pleading with them to banish me to maincomm forever."nobody likes her", whined the evil buccholz......
but there was another force at work...
behold! the forces of good heard of the evil buccholzs plan to destroy me, and went to the heads of the automated informations systems, united against him. the battle was bloody, but good prevailed- the evil buccholz was defeated. the balance of power was tipped toward the light.

a departing rebel

adrian is a misogynist. i didn't know it at first, and in fact, it is still sometimes hard to tell. i enjoyed my conversations with adrian and even started to give in to some of his propaganda. his callousness is catching. adrian bucked the system, won, and is now getting the fuck out. bz adrian. keep spreading your propaganda, and practicing celebacy. i wish you godspeed in all your endeavors.

snapshot of chef

almost 0415: omelette time. The man who matt dubbed the "omelette architect", is really named roland. even though he works in the galley on a aircraft carrier, in the worlds finest navy, he acts like he is the head chef at a five star restaurant. he knows my order by heart (veggie and cheese omelette) and makes sure to have matts ready at the same time so there is never a lull in our conversation. once, when matt was bullied by the guys ahead of us into getting our omelettes from the "other girl", roland got jealous. the day after the incident with "other girl", he pretended to forget our orders, and almost couldn't look at us. it took about half a week for him to forgive us. roland is a fine example of how having passion for ones job leads to loyalism. matt says that if he were a millionare, he would get up at the crack of dawn and fly his private jet to the uss carl vinson on a daily basis, just to partake in rolands delicacies.thank god for roland and all the rolands out there. and thank god matt is not a millionare because he would never be able to fly a private jet onto the flight deck, no matter how rich he was.

snapshot of a crush

he is a force to be reckoned with, one of those people who evokes clint eastwood in some spaghetti western. his eys are clear blue pools his mouth the end of cupids' arrow.

i see him often, my crush, and each time i am rendered immobile.

we glance at each other across a crowded room, never speaking. the night ends and we leave seperately, my crush and i.

the original

this blog has been a long time comming. it all started when, one day, i was discussing my desire to express myself via a webpage with my web savvy friend, matt.

"i want a page that will be fresh, sassy, with side bars and hyperlinks, and be along the same lines as a modern day womans magazine- but not.", said I.

"oh!", said matt. "you want a blog."

and so it began. my week long quest for the very page you are now veiwing. this is history folks. every moment preceding this moment has been leading up until now.

thanks be to matt. i salute you.

stay tuned ladies and gentlemen, theres more to come.