desperation is an ugly thing. it makes a person do things she would not normally do, think thoughts she might not normally think, say and do things she normally wouldn't. the scary thing is that it's not clear to the desperate person that they are in said state until it's too late and they've gone too far. such was the case sunday night when i lost all of my control and cried all night over crush (in his presence no less). it was terrible. i was a blubbering mess- my eyes were so swollen, my face so red. my heart is just broken over him. it's so sad that we can't be. i'll never understand why fate brought us together only to be kept apart. i know that after sunday it is over between us. i want more than he wants to give and that is the worst thing a woman could want from a man. i'm so devastated.