confidentialmisanthropy

It's 2005 now.

This being a blog, this is where I write some retrospective on 2004.

Personally, 2004 is a year I'll look back on with a bit of regret. Not for things I did, but for things I didn't do. The most major event for me was changing commands. I went through a bit of separation anxiety upon arriving here in Japan, which I suppose is normal, but not for me. I'm pretty good about not forming attatchments to people and places, and it's one of the reasons I stayed in the Navy. You're constantly on the move and it keeps things from getting stale and awkward.

When I got "short" on the Vinson, all I could think of was getting the fuck outta Dodge, now I wish I had some of that time back.

One night, early last Spring, I got a call really late at night from J. I could tell she was drunk the moment I answered the phone. She was losing her voice, which she often does when she's drinking. She never shuts her trap and this just increases exponentially when she's drinking. Anyway. She had a bunch of people over and it was turning into one of those impromptu parties I'd always hear about. Instead of calling to bitch about work or Mr Perfecto like usual she asked me how come I never come over to her place and "hang out". If she was sober, she'd never ever ask me something like that knowing full well why we don't "hang out".

Fuck.

Everyone (with half-a-brain) we worked with knew why we didn't "hang out" anymore.

"Listen. You're obviously drunk, so I'll let you get back to your guests okay?"

"Matt. Is it because of _______?, 'cause he's a really nice guy."

"..."

Everyone was always telling me how nice this guy was. I guess everyone figured I had something against him, so whenever he was mentioned around me I'd always get told how fucking nice he is. Truth is, I never had anything against him, but I wasn't about to go and "hang out" at his house.

Mo told me once, when we were on the subject of another girl no less, how stubborn I am, and I got really defensive. Mo's the most stubborn person I know outside of maybe my mother. And I sat there wondering where the hell he got off telling me I was stubborn.

So that night, on the phone with J, she made me promise her that I'd eventually spend time with her before we all parted ways, and albiet reluctantly, I eventually did. She threw a party on the Fourth of July at said "place". I'd actually been planning on something "coming up" and ultimately not going, but Ese wasn't having any of that shit. Thank God.

Mo was there. Ese was there. Belvin was there. Nico was there. Even the Chaixbag and Phillymo were there. And we had a fucking blast. By far, it was the best time I had since as long as I can remember. And I couldn't stop wondering why we didn't do it more often. But it was July, right before the mass exodus. And I guess that's when I realized where the hell Mo got off telling me I was stubborn.

So I guess, in a way, that's my resolution for 2005 and beyond. To make an effort at least, to stop being so stubborn. You really never do know what you have 'til it's in Bahrain. And Oklahoma. And South Carolina. And VA. And you're stuck working in Japan with motherfuckers that don't even have a sense of humor.

Here's hoping we can all do it again someday.

On another note, things are looking up for this year.

After all, it's the Year of the Cock. That's gotta count for something.